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User talk:Miuyue
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Art of Jacob Emory page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 17:06, July 8, 2018 (UTC) The story was deleted as it was not up to our quality standards due to widespread punctuation, capitalization, wording, and plot issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:31, March 18, 2019 (UTC) =Re: Story I'm sorry but there were quite a lot of issues present in your story that resulted in it not meeting our quality standards. Here are some of the wording, capitalization, and plot issues I came across when reviewing your post. Minor formatting: While this isn't a large issue that warrants deletion, it's something to still be aware of. If you don't include full spaces between paragraphs, text will be lumped together in a single paragraph. A number of paragraphs are combined. Wording: There are a number of homophone issues present here. "Wether (Whether. A wether is an animal), if only I hadn’t made that one mistake", "Mum would bring her a cup of tee (tea. Tees are for golf), lots of milk and no sugar.", "I could feel her watching me form (from) beneath her hair", "I had to breath (breathe).", "And I honestly don’t know wether (sic) I was more stocked (stoked) or scared by this new information.", etc. Wording issues cont.: There are also a number of instances of awkward wording. "Well then, let me explain to you why I’m chained into an abandoned apartment", "And now, after half a year of nothing, they had stricken (struck) once again.", "All the victims were people I had meet before.", "'Because of my medical history, of cause (of course?).", "Not until dad would have captured Eyes for good.", etc. I would strongly suggest reading your story aloud to yourself as it's helpful for catching instances of awkward wording and errors. You also have a tendency to use a lot of fragmented sentences. While a few can be used to convey a point, multiple tend to break the story flow. "To talk to her.", "Eyes’s first murder in Edinburgh", "Trapped inside my own life", "In and out.", etc. Capitalization: When using Mom and Dad as a title, it should be capitalized. "But as I made my way to dad’s (Dad's) office I saw her", "I had mum (Mum) and dad (Dad) and my friends.", "dad (Dad) asked her when he took notice of this as well", etc. Capitalization issues cont.: You also have a tendency to improperly capitalize words after ellipses and hyphens. "Hey there. Is… Everything (everything) alright?", ""S-Sorry (S-sorry) ‘bout that", "Y-You (Y-you) are that killer?" Remember that ellipses denote the omission of words or imply a pause. If used in the middle of a sentence, the proceeding word isn't capitalized unless it's a proper noun. Punctuation issues: You also tend to leave punctuation outside of dialogue and improperly use quotations. "„(")Are you mute?“,(comma not needed)", ""You scared me there for a sec.",(comma is not needed)", "I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.",", etc. While you could argue that the protagonist is writing this under duress and that explains away the errors ("Oh. Thank god, I finally reached you! Look, I don't have much time. I'm not in the best of situations right now, and that's an understatement."), but they tend to go off on tangents that undermine the urgency of the opening ("Yeah, I’m talking in the past right now. Because, since those mistakes have been made, these times are over."). They have numerous sentences where they delve into how they're feeling at certain points in the story, and while this is great for development, it does weaken the premise that they're frantically writing all this out. Story issues cont.: The reveal that Mijanou is the killer also needs quite a lot of work as you're overlooking a lot research on DID (disassociate identity disorder) and it comes off as a bit forced that she would be able to kill numerous people and evade detection despite the fact her condition is known to both the police and hospital. Finally the twist at the end needs quite a lot of re-working as it feels shoe-horned into the story. "The shy one without any friends? That’s her. She changed her name and perhaps the color of her hair." There were other issues present in the story, but I think this is enough to give you a general idea of issues you need to work on for future stories. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:48, March 18, 2019 (UTC) Okay, I can see what you mean. I'm also aware that those mistakes often ocur in my stories. I am dislexic and on top of that english isn't my first language. I guess it's kinda naive to try writing like this anyway… Still, it's something I really love doing and hope to improve to being at least somewhat good at it. Thank you for your responce, anyway. And, if that's okay, I have one more question: If I would be able to correct the mistakes in my story, would I be able to re-upload it? I know that it's deffinetly not allowed to just do that if it's simply the same thing over again. However is there any way it would be possible to do so without breaking any rules? :Any re-upload needs to go through a deletion appeal. As I outlined above, there are also a lot of issues present that need revision. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop (link above) if you're planning on appealing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:53, March 24, 2019 (UTC)